25 December 2022

I was up and showered before the 4am gong which gave me some time to myself before most people stirred, a strange desire when there is no verbal interaction so you are relatively isolated anyway.  But it still felt a valuable thing to do.  I found myself wondering why I was here; not a good start to the day.

Despite that initial negativity I felt I was beginning to ‘get it’ in the morning session, my new position making things more comfortable.  There were still aches but nothing like yesterday and I could get into a frame of mind where I could ignore them.  I still find it hard to not let the mind wander: ‘I wonder what will be for breakfast; should I go to Lacock on the way home?; did I sort everything I needed to at home before leaving?’. I also realised during the course of my meditations that today was Christmas; I clearly was not focusing hard enough… Afterwards I took the opportunity to make the short walk to, and around, the large golden pagoda in the gardens.  With its bright multi-coloured strings of lights and bells that tinkle brightly in the breeze it offers a pleasing beacon of noise and brightness in the dark of the morning and the silence of the isolated bubble we occupy.

Yesterday in the evening’s discourse-come-sermon we were told about the Buddhist ‘Noble Path’, behaviours you must follow to underpin your personal development through meditation.  Some of the restrictions we have while here are aimed at supporting this requirement.  Twice a day we are called up in groups of five to sit in front of the teacher, asked if all is going well and given the opportunity to ask questions.  For my part there was not much to say but today before lunch one of the group declared he was gay and had clearly taken exception to the previous night’s discourse; he complained of being ‘othered’ and would not let go of the issue.  I sat there trying to work out what had offended him as I could recall nothing about homosexuality in the discourse but I did remember that sex outside marriage was considered sexual misconduct and so I suppose I should have felt ‘othered’ as well.  Instead I simply thought that things said over two thousand years ago in a different time and culture where the idea of marriage was different had no bearing on my life in today’s world. 

There was Christmas cake at lunch (although described as fruit cake it had the icing and marzipan and silver balls that showed it for what it was).  The food here is proving to be excellent and I have not previously seen such a large selection of sauces and chutneys and other condiments, all of quality and some new to me; no tomato ketchup of brown sauce here. Nevertheless, it is strange sitting and eating in silence, especially when I know there are some interesting people among the diners who, under normal circumstance, I would enjoy sharing time with. The silence also turns a normally communal activity into one of pure functionality - at least for me - so I am in and out quickly, giving me the opportunity to get some sleep (which is proving quite easy) or stretch the body and get fresh air walking in the grounds before the gong calls us to our next session.

All I seem to recall of the afternoon was the toll the amount of time I was spending sitting was taking on my behind and how a day doing nothing was not an easy thing to do.